If your child is hitting you, it can be both emotionally and physically challenging—but there are clear, effective steps you can take to address this behavior. First and foremost, stay calm and focused on safety. Reacting with anger can escalate the situation, so take a breath and use a firm but neutral tone to let your child know, “I won’t let you hit.” Gently block the hits or step back to create space without using force. Give your child a clear and simple message like, “Hands are not for hitting,” or “We use gentle hands.” Long explanations in the heat of the moment are often overwhelming, so keep your words short and direct.

Once the moment has passed, take time to think about what may have triggered the behavior. Was your child tired, hungry, overstimulated, or frustrated? Understanding the cause is key to preventing future incidents. From there, work on teaching a replacement behavior. For example, if your child hits when upset, teach them to say, “I need a break,” or show them how to stomp their feet or squeeze a pillow instead. If the hitting is attention-seeking, guide them to tap your shoulder or say your name. Reinforce these new behaviors by offering specific praise whenever your child makes a good choice, such as, “I love how you used your words to tell me how you feel.”

Consistency is essential. Make sure you respond the same way each time your child hits so that they learn boundaries clearly and predictably. If certain situations commonly lead to hitting, like transitions or crowded environments, plan ahead. Prepare your child by practicing coping strategies and reminding them of expectations before challenges arise.

Finally, if the behavior continues or becomes more intense, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. A Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) can help identify the underlying reasons for the behavior and create a personalized plan using evidence-based ABA strategies. Remember, hitting is often your child’s way of expressing a need or emotion they can’t yet communicate. With support, patience, and the right tools, your child can learn safer, more effective ways to express themselves.